Golly gee willikers. 2006 sure did go fast, and now 2007 is here, ready or not. For those of you who were afraid I wouldn’t post my 2007 predictions, not to worry. I wouldn’t let you down like that. I should warn you, however, that I will only be able to post these New Year’s predictions for another five years because, according to the ancient Aztecs, the world will come to an end on December 21, 2012. Bummer.

Therefore, without further ado, (drum roll please) here are my 2007 predictions.

1. Mayor Feichthaler is called back to law school for a refresher course on Constitutional Due Process. He earns an F+.

2. Lieutenant Governor (cough, cough) Jeff Kottkamp’s Chief of Staff dies of boredom. He didn’t have anything to do because Governor (cough, cough) Charlie Crist didn’t assign any duties to Kottkamp. Crist quoted as saying he couldn’t trust Kottkamp to do anything.

3. Newly elected Lee Soil & Water District Group 3 member, nudist atheist Tom Clark, shows up at meetings sans clothing. Nobody notices.

4. Mickey Rosado is found innocent of all charges against him. Wins re-election in a landslide. Terry Stewart seen speeding out of town on his Harley.

5. News Press columnist Sam Cook wins “2006 Horse’s Patoody Award” for his biased coverage of Mickey Rosado.

6. School Board members Steve Teuber and Bob Chilmonik get into fist fight at a Board meeting. Board member Elinor Scricca breaks up the fight by body slamming both to the floor. Hired as wrestling coach at Fort Myers High School when it is discovered she was a college wrestling champion. Superintendent Browder begins calling her “Coach”.

7. Lynn Rosko runs for election to Cape Coral City Council and takes her seat next to Mayor Feichthaler. Feichthaler quickly moves his seat to end of dais and sits quietly while Rosko takes over.

8. Terms for Cape Coral City Council members A.J. Boyd, Alex LePera and Dick Stevens unceremoniously end after 9 years. Nobody notices…or cares.

9. Lee County School Board superintendent Jim Browder hires Former Charter School administrator Patrick Mark as Charter School Coordinator for all Lee County charter schools. Mark promptly recommends revoking charters for City of Cape Coral Charter Schools. School Board agrees.

10. Newly elected Cape Coral City Council members cancel all contracts with MWH. Decide outhouses are least expensive alternative. Council member Tim Day promptly resigns and begins outhouse-manufacturing company with former Council Member Asfour and former Mayor Kempe. Company slogan for newly formed We Do Poo, Inc. is “We dig it, you fill it”. City Council Member Mickey Rosado helps the newly formed company negotiate contract with the City. Earns $271,000 for his efforts.

As always, my 2007 predictions will prove to be as accurate as all my others.


And now, emails from readers.

Dear Paco,

What do you think LePera, Stevens and Boyd will do when they leave office?

V.H.

Dear V.H.,

Exactly what they did when they were in office…nothing.


Dear Paco,

Do you believe Mickey Rosado will receive a fair hearing from this City Council?

M.V.

Dear M.V.,

Absolutely, just like I believe George W. Bush has an IQ above that of a chimpanzee.

Whether you have a high IQ or are more at home swinging through the trees, you heard it through The Capevine.