There is so much to write about, I don’t know where to begin. Therefore, I shall begin at the beginning…or something like that.
The way Terry “Tight Lips” Stewart and his “hatchet squad” reacted when the audit conducted by Kessler International was leaked to the Snooze Press, before it was to be officially released, makes one think that national security was breached. Stewart apparently wanted his spinmeisters to provide their take on the report prior to its release. In other words, he wanted to brainwash certain members of the City Council (not a difficult task, mind you) before they had a chance to read the damaging report.
Wait…there’s more. According to a Snooze Press article, Kessler said the City had the bulk of the report in April and another draft of it a month before it was released. “What I thought was interesting is that they waited for the report to be issued, then discredited it, rather than sit down with me and go over what I had,” Kessler said. Unbeknownst to Mr. Kessler, that is what they planned all along.
For those of you who are new to the Capevine, let me fill you in on a little secret. I have spies everywhere. It’s true. I also have bugs and hidden cameras strategically placed around the area to pick up conversations that could, and quite often do, prove interesting. As a matter of fact, one of the bugs I have at City Hall picked up a conversation that took place in June between Stewart, Public Works Director Chuck Pavlos and MWH employee Larry Laws. The following is the bulk of the conversation. Since this is a family website, I have deleted the expletives.
STEWART: Well, what do you think about Kessler’s findings?
PAVLOS: Right on point, Boss. He nailed us pretty good.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Are you worried?
PAVLOS: Of course not. After all, we discredited Townsend and blew off the State audit. This guy is a creampuff. We’ll attack him and make him look like the bad guy. And the fact that you have a majority of the City Council in your back pocket, close to your heart (laughing), we will skate away free and clear.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Yes, Chuckles, you are correct about the City Council. Those people are so dumb, they actually believe Jim Browder is doing a good job (belly laughing). The problem is that the whiners will be in an uproar and demand changes…again. How do we handle that?
PAVLOS: Here’s the plan. We can begin to compile our counters to the findings and release them at the same time the audit is released. That will stifle some of the criticism.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Good idea. Then I will get in the Mayor’s ear, not a difficult task, and tell him how to handle the people. We all know that the first Council meeting after the audit is released will be packed with crybabies demanding our heads. I will convince the Mayor to temporarily halt construction until we have had time to investigate the audit findings. That will diffuse the rowdies. Then, within a couple of weeks, after we have totally vilified Kessler, and convinced the City Council that we know what we’re doing, we will just start the project up again.
PAVLOS: What about the costs of stopping the work?
STEWART: Not a problem. We will just add it to the cost of the project. Is that okay with you Larry?
LAWS: (grinning)
PAVLOS: Day’s been awfully persistent, and Rosado is starting to show some courage. Do you foresee a problem with them?
STEWART: Of course not. Day just wants his name in the paper and I’ve never worried about Rosado. Besides, they are only two votes.
LAWS: (grinning)
PAVLOS: What about the FBI?
STEWART: Morons. That will be the day that some feds get one over on me. I am invincible. Don’t you know that by now?
PAVLOS: Absolutely. You da man!!! (laughing)
STEWART: Any questions Larry?
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Good. We’re all set then. The only thing that could hurt us now is if the audit report is released early.
PAVLOS: I don’t think that will happen. Don’t you also control Dona Newman?
STEWART: Yeah. She’s easily intimidated and I AM THE MASTER!!! (laughing)
PAVLOS: (laughing)
LAWS: (grinning)
There you have it folks, right from the horses patoodies. As I said, I left out some of the expletives, most of which were directed toward the council members, especially Day and Rosado.
Stay tuned. This could get really interesting.
PAGE TWO
I read in the Snooze Press that School Board member Elinor Scricca’s husband took offense at the fact that her opponent in the upcoming election, a Democrat of all things, was at a Republican forum. He became so incensed that he reportedly manhandled her. The opponent, Sheridan Chester, who spent approximately three hours at Lee Memorial Hospital, wants the Cape Coral police department to press charges.
Quite frankly, I don’t know what the big deal is. So Scricca grabbed Sheridan and demanded to know why she was at a Republican forum. Isn’t that what Republicans do, make asses of themselves? Come on, the Bush family has been doing it for years. And what was Scricca worried about anyway? After all, Lee County voters haven’t been smart enough to elect a Democrat since Phony Feichthaler was in diapers. So, to make a big deal out of the fact that Chester was at a “PUBLIC” forum makes Scricca look as dumb as his School Board member wife, Elinor, affectionately known as “Bingo Parlor Betty”.
PAGE THREE
I also read in the Snooze Press that 49-year-old Corporal Ross DiPasquale (a 49-year-old corporal ought to tell you something) accidentally fired his pistol while doing his “business” in a Lee County Justice Center bathroom stall. DiPasquale, noted for shooting off his mouth, is now noted for shooting off something else, his firearm. Note that I said firearm, not gun. As army drill instructors are noted for saying, “This is my rifle, this is my gun (pointing to a certain part of the male anatomy). One is for fighting, the other for fun.”
According to Sheriff Mike Scott, “He (DiPasquale) decided to do something, cleaning or checking or whatever he did with that ‘gun’ (apparently Scott was never in the army), there was an accidental discharge.” According to Scott, nobody heard the shot. Speaking of an accidental discharge, I’m quite sure DiPasquale had one when the bullet came whizzing out of his Glock .45 caliber pistol.
Fortunately, nobody else was in the bathroom when the mishap occurred. Can you imagine sitting in the stall next to DiPasquale when the pistol went off and thinking, “Boy, that’s some kinda gas.” Needless to say, scaring the s _ _ t out of someone just took on a whole new meaning.
Please note that DiPasquale is a detective in the major crimes unit. Please also note that nobody else heard the shot. In other words, he reported this incident all by him lonesome. HELLO!!! Is anybody home? Any questions about why crimes go unsolved should now be put to rest.
Hey DiPasquale, the next time you’re in the bathroom with your pants down around your ankles, try playing with something other than your pistol. Or better yet, take some reading material with you, such as “Firearms for Dummies”.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
At the last City Council meeting, Mayor Feichthaler brought up the idea of the City Council becoming the Charter School Board. Councilman Richard Stevens said he didn’t like the idea because he “was elected to be a City Council member, not a school board member”. What do you think about that?
P.M.
Dear P.M.,
He was definitely elected to do something. Problem is, he hasn’t figured it out yet.
No matter what you do, you heard it through the Capevine.
The way Terry “Tight Lips” Stewart and his “hatchet squad” reacted when the audit conducted by Kessler International was leaked to the Snooze Press, before it was to be officially released, makes one think that national security was breached. Stewart apparently wanted his spinmeisters to provide their take on the report prior to its release. In other words, he wanted to brainwash certain members of the City Council (not a difficult task, mind you) before they had a chance to read the damaging report.
Wait…there’s more. According to a Snooze Press article, Kessler said the City had the bulk of the report in April and another draft of it a month before it was released. “What I thought was interesting is that they waited for the report to be issued, then discredited it, rather than sit down with me and go over what I had,” Kessler said. Unbeknownst to Mr. Kessler, that is what they planned all along.
For those of you who are new to the Capevine, let me fill you in on a little secret. I have spies everywhere. It’s true. I also have bugs and hidden cameras strategically placed around the area to pick up conversations that could, and quite often do, prove interesting. As a matter of fact, one of the bugs I have at City Hall picked up a conversation that took place in June between Stewart, Public Works Director Chuck Pavlos and MWH employee Larry Laws. The following is the bulk of the conversation. Since this is a family website, I have deleted the expletives.
STEWART: Well, what do you think about Kessler’s findings?
PAVLOS: Right on point, Boss. He nailed us pretty good.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Are you worried?
PAVLOS: Of course not. After all, we discredited Townsend and blew off the State audit. This guy is a creampuff. We’ll attack him and make him look like the bad guy. And the fact that you have a majority of the City Council in your back pocket, close to your heart (laughing), we will skate away free and clear.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Yes, Chuckles, you are correct about the City Council. Those people are so dumb, they actually believe Jim Browder is doing a good job (belly laughing). The problem is that the whiners will be in an uproar and demand changes…again. How do we handle that?
PAVLOS: Here’s the plan. We can begin to compile our counters to the findings and release them at the same time the audit is released. That will stifle some of the criticism.
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Good idea. Then I will get in the Mayor’s ear, not a difficult task, and tell him how to handle the people. We all know that the first Council meeting after the audit is released will be packed with crybabies demanding our heads. I will convince the Mayor to temporarily halt construction until we have had time to investigate the audit findings. That will diffuse the rowdies. Then, within a couple of weeks, after we have totally vilified Kessler, and convinced the City Council that we know what we’re doing, we will just start the project up again.
PAVLOS: What about the costs of stopping the work?
STEWART: Not a problem. We will just add it to the cost of the project. Is that okay with you Larry?
LAWS: (grinning)
PAVLOS: Day’s been awfully persistent, and Rosado is starting to show some courage. Do you foresee a problem with them?
STEWART: Of course not. Day just wants his name in the paper and I’ve never worried about Rosado. Besides, they are only two votes.
LAWS: (grinning)
PAVLOS: What about the FBI?
STEWART: Morons. That will be the day that some feds get one over on me. I am invincible. Don’t you know that by now?
PAVLOS: Absolutely. You da man!!! (laughing)
STEWART: Any questions Larry?
LAWS: (grinning)
STEWART: Good. We’re all set then. The only thing that could hurt us now is if the audit report is released early.
PAVLOS: I don’t think that will happen. Don’t you also control Dona Newman?
STEWART: Yeah. She’s easily intimidated and I AM THE MASTER!!! (laughing)
PAVLOS: (laughing)
LAWS: (grinning)
There you have it folks, right from the horses patoodies. As I said, I left out some of the expletives, most of which were directed toward the council members, especially Day and Rosado.
Stay tuned. This could get really interesting.
PAGE TWO
I read in the Snooze Press that School Board member Elinor Scricca’s husband took offense at the fact that her opponent in the upcoming election, a Democrat of all things, was at a Republican forum. He became so incensed that he reportedly manhandled her. The opponent, Sheridan Chester, who spent approximately three hours at Lee Memorial Hospital, wants the Cape Coral police department to press charges.
Quite frankly, I don’t know what the big deal is. So Scricca grabbed Sheridan and demanded to know why she was at a Republican forum. Isn’t that what Republicans do, make asses of themselves? Come on, the Bush family has been doing it for years. And what was Scricca worried about anyway? After all, Lee County voters haven’t been smart enough to elect a Democrat since Phony Feichthaler was in diapers. So, to make a big deal out of the fact that Chester was at a “PUBLIC” forum makes Scricca look as dumb as his School Board member wife, Elinor, affectionately known as “Bingo Parlor Betty”.
PAGE THREE
I also read in the Snooze Press that 49-year-old Corporal Ross DiPasquale (a 49-year-old corporal ought to tell you something) accidentally fired his pistol while doing his “business” in a Lee County Justice Center bathroom stall. DiPasquale, noted for shooting off his mouth, is now noted for shooting off something else, his firearm. Note that I said firearm, not gun. As army drill instructors are noted for saying, “This is my rifle, this is my gun (pointing to a certain part of the male anatomy). One is for fighting, the other for fun.”
According to Sheriff Mike Scott, “He (DiPasquale) decided to do something, cleaning or checking or whatever he did with that ‘gun’ (apparently Scott was never in the army), there was an accidental discharge.” According to Scott, nobody heard the shot. Speaking of an accidental discharge, I’m quite sure DiPasquale had one when the bullet came whizzing out of his Glock .45 caliber pistol.
Fortunately, nobody else was in the bathroom when the mishap occurred. Can you imagine sitting in the stall next to DiPasquale when the pistol went off and thinking, “Boy, that’s some kinda gas.” Needless to say, scaring the s _ _ t out of someone just took on a whole new meaning.
Please note that DiPasquale is a detective in the major crimes unit. Please also note that nobody else heard the shot. In other words, he reported this incident all by him lonesome. HELLO!!! Is anybody home? Any questions about why crimes go unsolved should now be put to rest.
Hey DiPasquale, the next time you’re in the bathroom with your pants down around your ankles, try playing with something other than your pistol. Or better yet, take some reading material with you, such as “Firearms for Dummies”.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
At the last City Council meeting, Mayor Feichthaler brought up the idea of the City Council becoming the Charter School Board. Councilman Richard Stevens said he didn’t like the idea because he “was elected to be a City Council member, not a school board member”. What do you think about that?
P.M.
Dear P.M.,
He was definitely elected to do something. Problem is, he hasn’t figured it out yet.
No matter what you do, you heard it through the Capevine.
