A friend of mine called the other day and asked if I had seen the Uncivilized Association chatline pertaining to Charter Schools. I told him that I don’t read that drivel because, first of all, I don’t want to risk infecting my computer by going on that site and second, well, because it’s drivel. He said he would fax it to me if I didn’t want to go to the site because it was just too funny not to read.
I reluctantly agreed, but asked him to give me fifteen minutes before he sent it so I could don my hazardous waste suit. Before I put on the suit, however, I put a clothespin on my nose just in case the smell was worse than I anticipated. The clothespin didn’t help.
Since the missive was “posted by civic”, one can only assume that it was written by none other than Ralph LePera. It’s frightening to think that people like him are permitted to run around loose without a chaperone. But, then again, this is the United States, where freedom is paramount, unless the President picks you to spy on.
I must agree that it was not only funny, but pitiful as well. I truly feel sorry for those people who don’t have much of a life outside of criticizing others. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that’s exactly what I do. It is not. I criticize morons. He criticizes those who aren’t. Morons never criticize one of their own.
Ralphie primarily ranted about former Council member Asfour’s guest opinion in last week’s newspapers. After reading Ralphie’s rants, one would think that Asfour was omnipotent, in that he was the one most responsible for bringing about the Charter Schools. If Asfour was that powerful, why didn’t he just make Ralphie disappear? That would have gone a long way to beautifying the City. As a matter of fact, I think I will suggest to Dolores “Befooled” Bertolini’s new “Beautification Committee” that it should focus on LePera as their first project. That should keep them occupied for at least a few years. Send me some emails and tell me what you think.
One more thing. I think we should all chip in and buy Ralphie a spellchecker, because he definitely needs one. Hey Ralphie, it’s not irrelavant, it’s irrelevant, just…like…you.
PAGE TWO
Speaking of Ralph LePera, I have an apology to make. As you may recall, I nicknamed LePera, Ralph “Lizard” LePera. Quite frankly, that’s insulting. I’m sure you are well aware that alligators are considered to be nothing more than large lizards. However, you may not know that alligators’ brains are the size of a quarter. In other words, there ain’t a whole lot of brainpower in an alligator. One can only assume, therefore, that the size of a lizard’s brain varies based upon the size of the lizard. The smaller the lizard, the smaller the brain, right? Since most lizards are smaller than alligators, their brains must be smaller than quarters. That means they have even less brainpower than their large, stupid cousins.
Anyway, here comes the apology. Trust me, it’s not an easy one to make. I want to apologize to all small-brained lizards for mentioning them in the same breath as Ralph LePera. That was a low blow and rather insulting, but it was all in fun and unintentional. I know that lizards’ brains are larger than Ralph’s and that lizards are much more coherent. Therefore, my calling Ralph LePera lizard was a lapse in judgment and I sincerely regret that it caused lizards everywhere a great deal of anxiety. Hopefully, all small-brained lizards will accept my apology and we can move on.
As far as LePera is concerned, his new nickname is Ralphie “The Rant” LePera. My hope is that all rants everywhere will not be offended, as were the lizards.
PAGE THREE
I looked up the word dysfunctional after watching the Cape Coral City Council meeting last night and, you guessed it, the definition was “Council meeting led by Eric Feichthaler”.
Eric “Phony” Feichthaler was at his pompous, misleading best during the Charter School Board discussion. Since there is so much to write about, but so little space, I will concentrate on just a few of my observations.
The most obvious example of Phony’s arrogant ignorance was when he stated that he watched the School Board meetings but did not know what was going on. Huh? How can someone watch a meeting and not know what went on? Where is his head? Oh, never mind. I remember now.
His Phoniness then attacked the Council liaison to the School Board, Jim Jeffers, for not communicating School Board goings on with the City Council. Pay very close attention to what I am about to say. Even the morons at the Uncivilized Association (and I know they read my column, no matter what they say) should be able to follow this.
Phony attacks Jeffers for not communicating with the Council about School Board business. However, Terry “Tight Lips” Stewart is also on the Board. Why didn’t Phony attack his lackey, Tight Lips (or is it the other way around), for not communicating information? After all, since Tight Lips is the City Manager and a Board member, he should know more about what is going on than anyone else. Furthermore, Jeffers can’t communicate with other Council members for fear of a Sunshine Law violation. That wouldn’t be the case if Stewart communicated with the Council about School Board business. Are you picking up a double standard here?
Living up to his nickname, Tight Lips sat through the entire discussion and said nothing, even though some Council members believed he should be removed from the Board. That just goes to show you that he puts himself above everybody else. If he truly cared about the Charter School System, he would voluntarily remove himself, rather than let his membership create controversy and problems for the Charter School System.
Methinks Jim Jeffers should have let his resignation from the Board stand and told those Council members who voted against accepting it to go pound sand. If anybody thinks the vote against accepting the resignation was a vote of confidence for Jeffers, they are as dim-witted as Phony. They weren’t giving Jeffers a vote of confidence. They were voting against appointing Tim Day as Jeffers replacement. HELLLLO!
But the crème de la crème of Phony’s attempt to appear intelligent (sorry, didn’t work) came when he criticized a member of the School Board for wanting to hire a full-time grant writer to obtain an $8,000,000 grant. That’s one grant for $8,000,000. Wouldn’t the grant writer work to obtain other grants? And, even if it was just one grant, isn’t a $50,000 salary investment worth an $8,000,000 return? I’m not a financial wizard by any stretch of the imagination, but that sounds like a pretty good return on investment to me.
But the person who wins the “Not fit to be running around loose award”, goes to Dolores “Befooled” Bertolini, who wants to have a joint City Council-School Board meeting to hash out their differences. Like that would accomplish anything. Remember, this is the same person who wanted a volunteer committee to determine a City Council member’s job description. Excuse me, but if she doesn’t know what she is supposed to do, then perhaps she should do what Biff suggested in the Back to the Future movies, “make like a tree, and get out of here”.
Trust me on this one. With Phony leading the band of nincompoops composed of himself, Bertolini, LePera and Stevens, this City is in a world of hurt. Where’s the phone book. I need to find someone to help me move.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
Why do you think LePera voted against Tim Day’s sexual predator ordinance?
L.D.
Dear L.D.
You don’t want me to go there.
I reluctantly agreed, but asked him to give me fifteen minutes before he sent it so I could don my hazardous waste suit. Before I put on the suit, however, I put a clothespin on my nose just in case the smell was worse than I anticipated. The clothespin didn’t help.
Since the missive was “posted by civic”, one can only assume that it was written by none other than Ralph LePera. It’s frightening to think that people like him are permitted to run around loose without a chaperone. But, then again, this is the United States, where freedom is paramount, unless the President picks you to spy on.
I must agree that it was not only funny, but pitiful as well. I truly feel sorry for those people who don’t have much of a life outside of criticizing others. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that’s exactly what I do. It is not. I criticize morons. He criticizes those who aren’t. Morons never criticize one of their own.
Ralphie primarily ranted about former Council member Asfour’s guest opinion in last week’s newspapers. After reading Ralphie’s rants, one would think that Asfour was omnipotent, in that he was the one most responsible for bringing about the Charter Schools. If Asfour was that powerful, why didn’t he just make Ralphie disappear? That would have gone a long way to beautifying the City. As a matter of fact, I think I will suggest to Dolores “Befooled” Bertolini’s new “Beautification Committee” that it should focus on LePera as their first project. That should keep them occupied for at least a few years. Send me some emails and tell me what you think.
One more thing. I think we should all chip in and buy Ralphie a spellchecker, because he definitely needs one. Hey Ralphie, it’s not irrelavant, it’s irrelevant, just…like…you.
PAGE TWO
Speaking of Ralph LePera, I have an apology to make. As you may recall, I nicknamed LePera, Ralph “Lizard” LePera. Quite frankly, that’s insulting. I’m sure you are well aware that alligators are considered to be nothing more than large lizards. However, you may not know that alligators’ brains are the size of a quarter. In other words, there ain’t a whole lot of brainpower in an alligator. One can only assume, therefore, that the size of a lizard’s brain varies based upon the size of the lizard. The smaller the lizard, the smaller the brain, right? Since most lizards are smaller than alligators, their brains must be smaller than quarters. That means they have even less brainpower than their large, stupid cousins.
Anyway, here comes the apology. Trust me, it’s not an easy one to make. I want to apologize to all small-brained lizards for mentioning them in the same breath as Ralph LePera. That was a low blow and rather insulting, but it was all in fun and unintentional. I know that lizards’ brains are larger than Ralph’s and that lizards are much more coherent. Therefore, my calling Ralph LePera lizard was a lapse in judgment and I sincerely regret that it caused lizards everywhere a great deal of anxiety. Hopefully, all small-brained lizards will accept my apology and we can move on.
As far as LePera is concerned, his new nickname is Ralphie “The Rant” LePera. My hope is that all rants everywhere will not be offended, as were the lizards.
PAGE THREE
I looked up the word dysfunctional after watching the Cape Coral City Council meeting last night and, you guessed it, the definition was “Council meeting led by Eric Feichthaler”.
Eric “Phony” Feichthaler was at his pompous, misleading best during the Charter School Board discussion. Since there is so much to write about, but so little space, I will concentrate on just a few of my observations.
The most obvious example of Phony’s arrogant ignorance was when he stated that he watched the School Board meetings but did not know what was going on. Huh? How can someone watch a meeting and not know what went on? Where is his head? Oh, never mind. I remember now.
His Phoniness then attacked the Council liaison to the School Board, Jim Jeffers, for not communicating School Board goings on with the City Council. Pay very close attention to what I am about to say. Even the morons at the Uncivilized Association (and I know they read my column, no matter what they say) should be able to follow this.
Phony attacks Jeffers for not communicating with the Council about School Board business. However, Terry “Tight Lips” Stewart is also on the Board. Why didn’t Phony attack his lackey, Tight Lips (or is it the other way around), for not communicating information? After all, since Tight Lips is the City Manager and a Board member, he should know more about what is going on than anyone else. Furthermore, Jeffers can’t communicate with other Council members for fear of a Sunshine Law violation. That wouldn’t be the case if Stewart communicated with the Council about School Board business. Are you picking up a double standard here?
Living up to his nickname, Tight Lips sat through the entire discussion and said nothing, even though some Council members believed he should be removed from the Board. That just goes to show you that he puts himself above everybody else. If he truly cared about the Charter School System, he would voluntarily remove himself, rather than let his membership create controversy and problems for the Charter School System.
Methinks Jim Jeffers should have let his resignation from the Board stand and told those Council members who voted against accepting it to go pound sand. If anybody thinks the vote against accepting the resignation was a vote of confidence for Jeffers, they are as dim-witted as Phony. They weren’t giving Jeffers a vote of confidence. They were voting against appointing Tim Day as Jeffers replacement. HELLLLO!
But the crème de la crème of Phony’s attempt to appear intelligent (sorry, didn’t work) came when he criticized a member of the School Board for wanting to hire a full-time grant writer to obtain an $8,000,000 grant. That’s one grant for $8,000,000. Wouldn’t the grant writer work to obtain other grants? And, even if it was just one grant, isn’t a $50,000 salary investment worth an $8,000,000 return? I’m not a financial wizard by any stretch of the imagination, but that sounds like a pretty good return on investment to me.
But the person who wins the “Not fit to be running around loose award”, goes to Dolores “Befooled” Bertolini, who wants to have a joint City Council-School Board meeting to hash out their differences. Like that would accomplish anything. Remember, this is the same person who wanted a volunteer committee to determine a City Council member’s job description. Excuse me, but if she doesn’t know what she is supposed to do, then perhaps she should do what Biff suggested in the Back to the Future movies, “make like a tree, and get out of here”.
Trust me on this one. With Phony leading the band of nincompoops composed of himself, Bertolini, LePera and Stevens, this City is in a world of hurt. Where’s the phone book. I need to find someone to help me move.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
Why do you think LePera voted against Tim Day’s sexual predator ordinance?
L.D.
Dear L.D.
You don’t want me to go there.
Whether you’re staying or moving, you heard it through the Capevine.
