I received quite a few emails about my cousin Cleetus. Most of them were from West Virginians who took offense at his comments about how low they were on the food chain. I forwarded the emails to Cleetus and waited for his telephone call. I didn’t have to wait long. The relevant part of the conversation went like this:
C: I’m kinda supprised that yer readers would take such offense to my comments. Didn’t they know that I was jest joshin’? As a matter of fact, some of my best friends are West Virginians.
P: Where have I heard that before?
C: No, really. Why, as a matter of fact, I used ta date a gal from that fine state. Her name was Beulah. She was from Big Ugly.
P: Big Ugly what?
C: Why, Big Ugly West Virginia of course.
P: That’s a joke, right?
C: Far from it Bubba. They really is a Big Ugly, West Virginia.
P: Never heard of it.
C: It’s in Lincoln County, named after Honest Abe Lincoln and home of Mud River Lake. They’s 3 county commissioners. Not many by ya’ll’s standards, but they get done what needs doin’. Why, they even have email now.
P: I’m impressed.
C: You oughta be. It’s a fine place.
P: What ever happened to Beulah?
C: Well, you know how them things go. Jest dint work out. But, we sho’ ‘nuff had some fun while it lasted.
P: What did she look like?
C: Well, that was part of the problem. There was a rumor that her Ma was thinkin' about namin' her after the town, because she shore was big and she shore was ugly. As a matter of fact, one of her cousins told me that she weighed in at a whoppin’ 18 pounds when she was borned and looked like a cross between a Arkansas Razorback and a baby hippo. Jest couldn’t do that to our youngin’s, if’n we had any.
P: That bad, huh?
C: Oh yeah. Not a purty sight, even for someone with coke bottles for classes. But boy could she ever cook. Hoowee! Her country fried chicken was to die for. Melt in your mouth, it would.
P: So you had to make a decision between good looking and good cooking?
C: Yep. I figgered I could learn to cook if’n I had a purty wife to look at. Mind you, I don’t have nuthin’ against ugly women, cause some of my best friends is ugly. But you woulda had to seen Beulah to know what I’m talkin’ about.
P: I think I see the picture.
C: I figgered you would.
P: Well, I’ll pass along your comments to my readers. I’m sure they’ll understand.
C: Shore hope so Bubba. Don’t want to make them folks from Cape Coral mad ya know. I heared they’re a rowdy bunch. Stay in touch now, ya hear?
P: Will do.
Well, there you have it folks. My cousin Cleetus was just joking when he said West Virginians were low on the food chain. Ohioans and New Yorkers, on the other hand…
PAGE TWO
I see where Mayor Phony is going to have an ordinance prepared for a proposed charter amendment to eliminate term limits for council members. If passed by the City Council, it will go to the voters for a final decision.
Getting it passed by the City Council might not be an easy thing to do. Phony must get four other council members to support his efforts to place it on the ballot, and it appears at first blush that at least three members are opposed, Bertolini, Day and Jeffers. Day and Jeffers will hold the line, but don’t bet the farm on Bertolini. That flip flop sound you hear when she walks has nothing to do with what she wears on her feet, especially when the Mayor wants her vote.
Quite frankly, I have mixed emotions about term limits. On the one hand, I favor letting voters decide if they want to keep electing the same people over and over again. On the other hand, many voters are too dumb and disengaged to know whether or not their elected officials are doing a good job. Therefore, the bad public officials who have enough money and name recognition to mount effective campaigns could keep getting elected, with some exceptions of course. Former Mayor Grumpy comes to mind.
Unfortunately, the good elected officials are forced out by term limits along with the bad. Therefore, one must weigh whether or not there are more high quality elected officials than bad ones forced out by term limits. Based upon how our governments are being run, I believe we’re losing more bad than good, and that ain’t a bad thing. With that said, as long as the voters have their heads up their whoopsidaisies during election time, I favor term limits.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
There seems to be some controversy over what to call the head of the Charter School System. What do you think his title should be?
P.M.
Dear P.M.
Boss man works for me.
C: I’m kinda supprised that yer readers would take such offense to my comments. Didn’t they know that I was jest joshin’? As a matter of fact, some of my best friends are West Virginians.
P: Where have I heard that before?
C: No, really. Why, as a matter of fact, I used ta date a gal from that fine state. Her name was Beulah. She was from Big Ugly.
P: Big Ugly what?
C: Why, Big Ugly West Virginia of course.
P: That’s a joke, right?
C: Far from it Bubba. They really is a Big Ugly, West Virginia.
P: Never heard of it.
C: It’s in Lincoln County, named after Honest Abe Lincoln and home of Mud River Lake. They’s 3 county commissioners. Not many by ya’ll’s standards, but they get done what needs doin’. Why, they even have email now.
P: I’m impressed.
C: You oughta be. It’s a fine place.
P: What ever happened to Beulah?
C: Well, you know how them things go. Jest dint work out. But, we sho’ ‘nuff had some fun while it lasted.
P: What did she look like?
C: Well, that was part of the problem. There was a rumor that her Ma was thinkin' about namin' her after the town, because she shore was big and she shore was ugly. As a matter of fact, one of her cousins told me that she weighed in at a whoppin’ 18 pounds when she was borned and looked like a cross between a Arkansas Razorback and a baby hippo. Jest couldn’t do that to our youngin’s, if’n we had any.
P: That bad, huh?
C: Oh yeah. Not a purty sight, even for someone with coke bottles for classes. But boy could she ever cook. Hoowee! Her country fried chicken was to die for. Melt in your mouth, it would.
P: So you had to make a decision between good looking and good cooking?
C: Yep. I figgered I could learn to cook if’n I had a purty wife to look at. Mind you, I don’t have nuthin’ against ugly women, cause some of my best friends is ugly. But you woulda had to seen Beulah to know what I’m talkin’ about.
P: I think I see the picture.
C: I figgered you would.
P: Well, I’ll pass along your comments to my readers. I’m sure they’ll understand.
C: Shore hope so Bubba. Don’t want to make them folks from Cape Coral mad ya know. I heared they’re a rowdy bunch. Stay in touch now, ya hear?
P: Will do.
Well, there you have it folks. My cousin Cleetus was just joking when he said West Virginians were low on the food chain. Ohioans and New Yorkers, on the other hand…
PAGE TWO
I see where Mayor Phony is going to have an ordinance prepared for a proposed charter amendment to eliminate term limits for council members. If passed by the City Council, it will go to the voters for a final decision.
Getting it passed by the City Council might not be an easy thing to do. Phony must get four other council members to support his efforts to place it on the ballot, and it appears at first blush that at least three members are opposed, Bertolini, Day and Jeffers. Day and Jeffers will hold the line, but don’t bet the farm on Bertolini. That flip flop sound you hear when she walks has nothing to do with what she wears on her feet, especially when the Mayor wants her vote.
Quite frankly, I have mixed emotions about term limits. On the one hand, I favor letting voters decide if they want to keep electing the same people over and over again. On the other hand, many voters are too dumb and disengaged to know whether or not their elected officials are doing a good job. Therefore, the bad public officials who have enough money and name recognition to mount effective campaigns could keep getting elected, with some exceptions of course. Former Mayor Grumpy comes to mind.
Unfortunately, the good elected officials are forced out by term limits along with the bad. Therefore, one must weigh whether or not there are more high quality elected officials than bad ones forced out by term limits. Based upon how our governments are being run, I believe we’re losing more bad than good, and that ain’t a bad thing. With that said, as long as the voters have their heads up their whoopsidaisies during election time, I favor term limits.
And now, emails from readers.
Dear Paco,
There seems to be some controversy over what to call the head of the Charter School System. What do you think his title should be?
P.M.
Dear P.M.
Boss man works for me.
Whether or not you’re the boss, you heard it through the Capevine.
